


You Mattered

by rankwriter



Series: Newquay Verse [17]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Gay Conversion Camp, M/M, Mentions of Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 15:18:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18501655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rankwriter/pseuds/rankwriter
Summary: Sometimes the past isn't a pretty place.





	You Mattered

Dean snuggled up against Cas, he had shucked off his clothes and underwear so was as naked as the day he was born. Cas had done the same and Dean positively reveled in the miles of warm, golden tanned skin. This was the most relaxed and content Dean had ever felt. 

“Dean,“ Cas rumbled, “who was your first kiss.” 

Dean sniggered, “well when I was in kindergarten and apparently I kissed my best friend, Tom, but it was just a peck and I’m not sure it counts.”

“Kindergarten? Dean, you really were an early starter.” Cas chuckled and Dean felt it as his chest rose and fell.

“I know, I often wonder what happened to Tom, we lost touch shortly before first grade.” Dean mused, he barely remembered Tom, he had been a small, red-headed boy who had been even more freckly than Dean. They had enjoyed playing soldiers and cowboys, but then one day Tom had been gone. 

“Anyway my first real kiss was with Cassie at a school dance.” Dean sighed and his mind drifted back to that day. Cassie had been so pretty in her pink satin dress. Her normally wild hair had been tamed into a stylish bun with little ringlets escaping at the side. It had looked cute but Dean had preferred her natural hair, it had been wavy and a little wild, it matched her personality to a tee. “She kissed me,” Dean admitted, he hadn’t told anyone that before, had always said that he had been the one to instigate it. 

“We danced to 'More than Words',” Dean smiled, “and she just leaned in and planted one straight on my mouth. I was too shocked to respond, just stood there like an idiot.”

Cas snorted. “Well, my first kiss wasn’t much better than either of yours, by the way, I’m impressed that you managed to get two first kisses, good going.” Cas high-fived Dean and continued.

“Inias joined the school in grade seven.”

“He was called what now?” Dean asked confused and mouthed the word:”Inias.”

“It’s a biblical name Dean, it was a religious school.”

“Okay,” Dean said, suitably chastised.

“Anyhow,” Cas continued, turning awkwardly to glare at Dean, daring him to interrupt again. “Inias was new and shiny and he made me feel strange. I just wanted to be around him, I wanted him desperately to be my friend.” Cas smiled at Dean but he looked brittle like one wrong word would shatter him into a multitude of pieces.

“Inias,” Cas said and the word sounded like a prayer, “He became my friend,” Cas huffed a small laugh, “He didn’t stand a chance, I was persistent. Once we were friends then I found I wanted to touch him, just little caresses, a tap on the shoulder, scrunching up his perfectly styled hair, little things. That wasn’t enough. I wanted to hug him, kiss him. I think that is when I realized I was gay. ‘

Dean kept quiet, he barely breathed. This was the most that Cas had ever said about his life and Dean didn’t want to break the spell by speaking, or hell by breathing.

“One day he came over ostensibly to do a class project and one thing led to another and we kissed. It was just really a gentle peck, but at that moment in time, it was the most erotic thing that had ever happened to me. Unfortunately, my mom burst in and saw.” Cas groaned sadly and rubbed his brow. “She told Inias’ parents, she said it was 'the Christian thing to do'. They sent him to a conversion camp. We fucking kissed once, he probably wasn’t even gay.”

Dean snuggled in closer, taking Cas’ hand and squeezing it. “I’m so sorry babe.”

“I heard he killed himself a few years later.” 

Dean gasped. “Shit Cas, I don’t know what to say.”

Cas smiled sadly, “There’s nothing to say, fundamental religions have a lot to answer for. Anyway, that took a bit of a dark turn, but he was a sweet kid and he deserves to be remembered.”

Dean clambered out of bed, naked as the day he was born and raided the mini bar, pulling out a miniature vodka and a whiskey. 

“Which do you want?”

Cas made grabby hands at the vodka, they both opened their tiny bottles then Dean clinked his against Cas’s. “To Inias, you may be gone but I want you to know - you mattered.”

Cas swallowed a sob. “You mattered.” He agreed and reached over and kissed Dean, “and so do you.”

**Author's Note:**

> for 30day challenge OTP
> 
> I meant this to be fluffy, somehow it got dark, go figure!


End file.
